Gosh, usually this time of year I am so far ahead with all of my Christmas spirit type activities. For some reason, this year, I just have not felt in the “spirit”. I can’t really put my finger on it…I speculate there are 2 main reasons…1) I started a new job that has required a vertical learning curve + a crazy meeting schedule and 2) my Aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer this year. I think the new job has me exhausted mentally and I think what my Aunt has gone through has had me emotionally exhausted.
I often read about “life changing events” and how people experience them. Ever since I got the call from my Aunt this past May, I feel like my perspective has changed. I tend to analyze events/experiences/daily life so differently. I find myself awake at night wondering if I have worked as hard as I could that day? When I say worked as hard, I don’t mean just at my job…but have I been as nice as I could? Did I say something I should not have? Did I prejudge someone? That is what keeps me awake at night.
This experience has also made me re-evaluate the holidays. Those that know me know that I am always a big gift giver. Not always in a monetary way, but always in a thoughtful way. This year…I just couldn’t get into it. I felt the paralysis of analysis of what happens with gifts or material items in the grand scheme of things? Are they really worth it? Isn’t life about experiences more than things? I am not sure if these thoughts make sense to anyone else, but they do to me.
When it comes to the dogs. Everything has been going pretty well. Killian had his old man wellness exam and all of his bloodwork and tests came back great. I am going to have some xrays done in the next few weeks just to confirm that everything is running like it should (and it appears to be).
On the other hand, Wyatt, has hit a bit of a speed bump. He went in for a bordatella vaccine last Saturday and for some reason had a bad reaction to what I believe is the injection site. I never saw the injection (the vet took him in the back while I waited in the lobby) but I noticed this past Wednesday that he had a mass on his right hip and it was large (about the size of half of one of my fingers and there were two of them in a v type shape). Of course, once I realized this, I freaked out. I ended up taking Wyatt to another vet (not the one who gave him the injection) to ensure this was not a reaction to the vaccine or something more serious. Some of the cells were analyzed today and sent off for further testing (just to confirm it is not something like cancer). Days like today, I feel like we have hit another hurdle, but I know we will get through it.